My grandmother, Jane Brown, has always told us in that grandmotherly way, that having two sets of manners is impossible. Of course, as with most quotes and advice from grandparents, they sort of sit around in your brain, not making much sense, until the time when they would have come in handy to have thought of has passed. I'm still in awe of the wisdom of this one.
We always understood it in the strictly manners sense; that you should eat pizza with your friends without plates at 4 in the morning the same way you should eat Christmas dinner with the entire family with the good china. Obviously, that didn't make much sense, prompting us to say "well, I have lots of sets of manners, what is that about?" The idea of coming home at night to make Ramen noodles then eat them on porcelain with the good silver and napkins doesn't fit.
I think that I have found a new, better meaning for this quote. Manners should be interpreted as the way you act, the things you talk about, the way you address people, but most importantly, your morals, beliefs and ideas. Obviously one will address a grandparent differently than a friend's little brother, but the sentiment should be the same; saying hello in a friendly way.
More importantly, do your morals and ideas change depending on who you are talking to? Do you change your opinion slightly in order to facilitate the conversation? Are you easily convinced and influenced? if so, you're using two sets of manners.
The idea is that while many things change in terms of environment, what is the thing that you always take with you while traveling?
Your brain, your ideas, your beliefs.
So, instead of taking it as an effort to always be proper or improper, because the situation will always change in terms of etiquette, take it as a point that we should be a little bit less flexible. The other people usually don't know much better than you what to do, so if you can be the one that is fixed in your morals, ideas and beliefs, they will be drawn to you. Be the one who doesn't have two sets of manners; the one who can adapt to the situation; not as the situation is, if not to how your experiences, manners, beliefs, etc, apply to the situation!
If your morals are flexible to the situation, who are you?
Happy birthday Jamie!
My take - manners = behaving as a lady or gentleman in any situation. What does that mean? The obvious is using utensils & napkins when eating, helping the host/ hostess, being a good guest, always bringing a gift when invited to an event. In larger terms - Taking the higher road, always being gracious, making the other person feel important, turn the other cheek (this is always hard for me,an Irish kid from South Buffalo) but important to use your good manners to help facilitate a happy ending, engaging folk who may not have the opportunity to be in a social situation, using your experiences to help a situation move forward in a more positive manner. Too long an explanation, but I hope this will explain things. Cullen, you - Juliette, Tad, Pete, Som have been fortunate to experience many situations. I have seen first hand how each of you rises to the occasion. Interesting how your father refers to each of you as helping him become more and more diplomatic - so thanks for that - in local situations. Cullen, thanks for being flexible but always a gentleman!
ReplyDeleteits so refrshing to see how much you've grown!
ReplyDeleteSexy philosophy... lets right a book broski... oh and the fifa didnt respond to me yet
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